Quest Nine - A Wandering Prophet feat Minstrel Goeb and Lady Redrum

    One day a charismatic stranger appeared in uBs, armed with a strong voice and a head full of dangerous ideas.  His diatribes were an affront to the Watcher’s divinity and the kingdom’s authority, but they were beginning to catch the attention of an impressionable people.  Something would have to be done…The blasphemous drivel from this ‘prophet’ was beginning to undermine the rule of the kingdom, not to mention the divine power of the Watcher!  The instigator would have to be quieted…one way or another.

          By uBs standards, the day had been relatively peaceful.  Lady Redrum prepared to go about her daily duties as a ruler, oblivious to the growing disquiet beyond the throne room.  Thus, Her Highness was somewhat surprised when she received an urgent summons from Royal Adviser Katrina.  Meanwhile, Tourbadour Goeb was having a rough time, ‘Lately my performances have not been thrilling my audiences like they once did.  Am I losing my touch?  No, that is absurd.  I just need to find some fresh inspiration to wow the masses again.’
          Lady Redrum finds her advisor and asks for the news.  It appears that a stranger may be causing a few of the townsfolk to miss work and neglect religious services.  The Queen will have nothing of the sort.  She calls a meeting in the throne room of the court to find what is going on.  The details come pouring in.  There is a prophet of a new religion preaching questionable virtues at the forest clearing.  The Monarch heads that way to see it for herself.  In the clearing there is a group gathered but it appears the prophet is nowhere to be seen.  Lady Redrum decides to demand answers from the crowd.  The followers simply reply with “I’m being oppressed!”  The Queen brews up some ale to help loosen the tongues of the so called followers so she can get her answers.  After a few drinks, the guard of the prophet deems Lady Redrum ‘unworthy’ of seeing the prophet.  This angers the Queen who then threatens the most recent convert with death.  The man trembles, “The words of Prophet Brennan speak to my soul.  Why shouldn't we live according to nature’s laws?  He says nature’s truth undermines your fabricated reign of oppression.”
          Meanwhile, Goeb is gathering inspiration to write a masterpiece to help win back the hearts of the people of uBs.  He writes a poem using love and the sky and stars to help back up his witty word play.  After he finishes it, he seeks out the Town Crier for a personal reading to see some opinions.  She listens for a bit and then when he finishes looks troubled, “Yes, a very nice fable…Poem, you say?  I apologize, I was only partially listening.  Ever since I heard Prophet Brennan speaking near the forest, I've been a bit distracted.  What an oration he gives.  Almost makes me want to drop this damn bell and go live in the woods…”  Goeb sighs and heads to the throne room to seek out the Royal Adviser to request a public performance.  Her response isn't a good one, “I am sorry, Goeb.  I cannot authorize a public performance right now.  Trouble has come to uBs, and he is clouding the hearts and minds of the townsfolk.  Lady Redrum is currently seeing to the issue herself.”
          Lady Redrum returned to the throne room to confer with her adviser on the issue.  Katrina had an idea, “Perhaps we need a more subtle approach here.  Excuse me for saying this but you are fairly…conspicuous.  I happen to know Goeb is idle, might you work with him on this?”  The Monarch seeks out her trusty Troubadour and he comes up with an idea for a disguise.  If the Prophet can’t see her, he won’t know she is there!  Goeb runs off the village to begin preparing a disguise while Lady Redrum takes a stroll through the forest to prepare herself for this upcoming scandal.  Goeb delivers the soiled rags of the commoners to Lady Redrum.  The Queen thanks him and tells him to prepare to perform.
          Goeb wanders home and restrings his best lute to be ready for whatever the Monarch expects of him.  “My instruments are ready to compete against the words of the prophet.  Let us see how his charisma holds up against my powerful melodies.”  Lady Redum adorns herself with the clothing of the commoner and heads to the forest to listen to this false prophet and his teachings.  The Monarch is furious, “This is the most traitorous, ignorant speech I have ever heard!  How can anyone fall for this absurdity?!  I shall show them how truly ‘oppressive’ I can be by outlawing this nature worship for good!”  The Queen storms back to the castle and drafts a law immediately.  She delivers it to the town crier to spread the word.  After it’s delivered, the Queen goes to feed the pit beast a bit of a snack before he is needed.  A few hours later the town crier rushes to the Monarch’s side, “Your Majesty, I was just coming to find you!  The people are more under the prophet’s sway than you may have through, for they blatantly disregarded the new law.  I had to dodge more than a few eggs to reach you.”
          On the other side of the kingdom, Goeb is writing a masterpiece play about the greatness of the kingdom of uBs.  It encompasses the kingdom and the royalty that lives there.  Also, it incorporates the Watcher and the different religions that play a part.  The final part is love, because who doesn't love being in uBs?  With the play finished, Goeb gives a sample of it to the royal adviser.  She absolutely loves it!
         The morning dawns and the Monarch is already discussing the events with Goeb.  “I need your help yet again.  My royal hands are tied to officially outlaw Prophet Brennan.  I ask that you travel to the forest path where the prophet is luring away my impressionable people, and use your charismatic performance to distract the crowd.  Once you have captured their attention, you may be able to convince the Prophet that your intent was not malicious and that you’d like to make it up to him with an offering of the finest art.”
           Goeb arrives in the clearing and starts playing his finest songs on his lute.  The Prophet is upset, “You there, minstrel!  These people came here to learn of nature’s bounty at my feet, not to be distracted by your clumsy pluckings.  What is the meaning behind this racket?”  Goeb apologizes profusely and personally invites the Prophet to the tavern for a performance.
           Meanwhile, Lady Redrum had asked a disciple to take a nature walk with her to help her see the prophet’s ways.  Deep in the woods, Lady Redrum was following her guide when a rustling nearby brush broke the serenity of the forest, and drew the hikers’ attention to the shadowy underbrush thick along the trail.  The disciple froze, naively leaning down towards the rising noise.  Lady Redrum stepped back to watch the scene unfold.  The disciple bent down, cooing softly at the ruckus, when a great brown shape charged from the bush knocking the disciple to the ground in a cry of pain.  Reacting quickly, Lady Redrum drew cold metal and swung at the dire boar as it prepared to bring its massive tusks to bear on the disciple.  The blade bit deeply into the beast’s muscled haunch.  With a blood-curdling squeal, the boar turned its beady gave on its attacked before quickly retreating into the brush.  The Monarch helped the injured disciple up and half-carried the stumbling figure out of the forest.  The Queen asked for a testimony from the injured man.  He replied, “You saved my life in there.  Of course I’ll speak on your behalf!  I am ashamed of my behavior…nature is not divine, it’s wild and terrifying!”
          The crowd gathers within the walls of the tavern to see the final showdown between the great Prophet and ubs’s very own Goeb.  Goeb steps up on the stage and performs the play of his life retelling the adventures of uBs through the eyes of a hero.  The crowd loves it and the false Prophet is overwhelmed with the magnificence of the play.  He collapses on the floor of the tavern, never to rise again.

Quest Eight - The Beast Must Diet feat Adept Kestri and High Shepard Speed

    The pirates and Guild Consortium aren't the only ones feeling the pains of war.  Soon after the incident triggered this conflict, low rumblings began emitting from the Pit of Judgment.  The Beast doesn't seem to be feeling well, and an upset Pit Beast can only lead to tragedy.  Almost every doctor in the kingdom was tending to wounded soldiers on the front lines.  The poor Pit Beast had no one to look after him.  The war between the Pirates and Guild Consortium raged on.  uBs, still considered a neutral party, delivered services to both sides.  In fact, the Pit Beast was so busy with various prisoner executions that one had to make reservation weeks in advance if they expected to get in some Judgment time.
    While enjoying her day, Kestri goes to retrieve the mail and finds an urgent letter with her name on it.  It read: “I urgently request your aid and knowledge.  My best friend, the Pit Beasty, is very sick.  I fear he is not long for this world.  Enclosed is the sum of $200 for your services.  Sincerely, the Executioner.”  With money in hand, Kestri goes back to her tower to gaze into the depths of her crystal ball and see what is going on.  She sees images of the pit beast eating prisoners.  The future in the crystal is very unclear.  It looks like the pit beast will die without help.  Kestri decides to go to High Shepard Speed to make sense of this prophecy.  Speed is baffled, “The Beasty?  Dead?  Are you sure?  That thing is extremely valuable to uBs!”
    Speed heads down to the pit of judgment while Kestri returns to her tower to do more research on the subject.  The Executioner sighs, “Well, Beasty has eaten a ton of Pirates and Guildsmen.  You know, with the war on and whatnot.  He’s been spitting things up lately, the belongings of his varicus victims.  I’ve been burying them all over the Judgment Pit.  It seemed like the right thing to do.”  Speed gets a map and a shovel from the Executioner to see if he can literally dig up some clues.  He first finds a gold bar that is covered in slime.  It’s inscribed with Guild emblems.  Speed asks the Executioner about it, “Beasty spit it out after eating that Marquis Andover of Tredony I gave him the other day.  Maybe he doesn’t like the taste of Guildsmen?”  Speed then finds a slime covered dagger and goes to the Executioner once more.  “The Beast vomited it up after eating Peter the Pirate.  Do you think his flesh was bad?”
    Meanwhile, Kestri is doing research on the pit beast.  Looks like it can digest anything except for metal.  After Speed finishes his conversation with the Executioner, he goes to meet Kestri to see what she makes of all this nonsense.  Kestri ponders it for a bit, “After multiple feedings this gold bar and dagger are all that remain?  I wonder if all the prisoners of war being executed might be clogging up the beast’s digestion.”  Kestri has a plan.  She’ll make a potion to help the Beasty out with his problem but Speed has to jump in and survive the pit to heal him.  Speed doesn’t want to agree but goes along with the plan.  He decides to ask the Executioner how exactly to survive the pit.  The Executioner recalls a story, “A squirrel covered in cinnamon jumped into the pit the other day!  He must have gotten into a spice trader’s stash.  In any case, Beasty sneezed and sneezed and the squirrel came up later untouched.  You might try powdering yourself in cinnamon.”  Speed goes to the village and buys enough cinnamon to cover himself.
    Kestri finishes her potion and decides that before delivering it to Speed, she should convince the Monarch to stop feeding the poor beast so many prisoners.  Lady Redrum isn't as happy, “The pit beast’s health must be protected at all costs!  He is invaluable to uBs!  So fine, we have to stop feeding him so many war criminals.  So tell me, Adept Kestri, what do you suggest?”  Kestri suggests to stop throwing in all the Pirates due to the daggers they wield.  The Monarch agrees and marches off.  Kestri makes her escape to deliver the potion to Speed.
    Speed takes a deep breath and leaps into the pit to purge the poor Beasty of all the metal he’s eaten.  High Shepard Speed jumped directly into the heart of the pit, pausing only slightly to pinch his nose firmly closed to protect it from the cinnamon dust.  The courageous hero seemed more worried about that then Beasty’s iron grip and razor teeth.  Villagers jumped back in terror, expecting the usual flurry of claws, tentacles, and tufts of hair/bone/flesh followed by the inevitable screams of pain.  Several tense moments passed as uBs waited with bated breath.  But instead of screams, it was unusual metallic clangs emanating from the pit that rang in their ears.  The peasants worried for naught.  Speed knew exactly what he was doing.  Within minutes he climbed victoriously out of the pit covered in slime.  The day was saved, as was the Beasty!

Quest Seven - Subprime Slaves feat Brother Useless and Shopkeeper Connected

    A wealthy Tredonian Guildsman has been witnessed giving out simoles around uBs and selling goods freely to members of the Pirate Fleet.  His intentions seem noble…but it’s really strange for a Guildsman to help Pirates.  A benevolent hero would surely want to check things out and prevent the exploitation of pirates at the hands of Tredony’s merciless Guild Consortium.   Their differences with the Pirates notwithstanding, the Guild sent someone into town to spread coin around and help minimize the horrors of war.  The mood around uBs was cheerful in spite of the ongoing conflict.
    As the day dawns, Brother Useless decides that the sermon’s topic of the morning will be about charity.  Surely the faithful Peterans of uBs will pitch in to help out the war ravaged veterans.  While Useless is giving his sermon, on the other side of town Connected is up to his daily routine.  All the goods are inspected and inventory checked.  While he is opening up his stalls for business he sees a pirate stumbling around asking customers to spare a few coins.  Connected hurries to get rid of this pirate intruding on his customers and their coin.  The pirate begs to stay, “Alas, my pirate comrades and I have no place to go.  I’m sure your customers won’t mind us.  You won’t even know we’re here.”
    After seeing a group of pirates have gathered in his area, Connected decides to ask Brother Useless for help with these stragglers.  Useless agrees to help, “Pirates in need of aid?  Of course I’ll help!  The Watcher commands generosity and charity!”  After a few hours, the pirates show up in the monastery and greet Brother Useless.  The monk thinks to himself, ‘There they are!  I can’t wait to help.  Hmmm…I didn’t expect them to be wearing such finely tailored clothing.  Pretty rich tastes for poor pirates.’
     Brother Useless presents the funds to pirate Cornell.  The pirate pushes it back towards the monk, “Thanks, but we have plenty of money now!  Thanks to our new friend, Guildsman Dave.  Why don’t you keep the simoles and buy yourself a new shirt – it looks like you need it.  Come on pirates, let’s go buy something at the Merchant’s stall!
    Useless seeks out this rich Guildsman and asks him why he had donated to the pirates in the first place.  Dave greets him, “Well, I just thought those poor pirates could use a helping hand.  It’s kind of my thing – helping those in need.  Perhaps you yourself would care to accept a loan from the Guild Consortium.  I think I have a contract around here somewhere…”
    Meanwhile, Connected greets the rich newcomers with enthusiasm.  He thinks that the money they are spending came from Brother Useless and he’s eager to sell to them.  The pirates are criticizing his goods and Connected feels insulted, “What the…?  How dare the pirates criticize my goods!  What was Useless thinking, giving them all this money?  I’d better ask.”
    Useless decides he needs to find out what the guild is up to with their contracts.  He seeks out pirate Cornell to see if he can read the contract.  The pirate obliges, “Yeah, we all received thousands of simoles!  Oh, and he also gave us these funny papery things with chicken scratches all over them.  If only we could read…”
    Useless travels back to his monastery with contract in hand.  After pouring over the document for hours he finally decrypts it.  The contracts are formal loan papers drafted by the Guild Consortium.  If the pirates can’t pay back Guildsman Dave when he asks for it, they become Guild slaves!
    Brother Useless tracks down the pirates and informs them of their fates.  The leader looks heartbroken, “What?  That can’t be true!  He said he was our friend!  Surely Lady Redrum wouldn’t allow this to happen in her kingdom.  You must appeal to save us!”  The priest has no other choice but to travel to the throne room and hope he can fall in the monarch’s good graces.
    He explains the situation and Lady Redrum ponders a bit before answering.  “That is terrible, but unfortunately Guildsman Dave is the sole provider of my absolute favorite treat; bon bons!  I simply can’t lose my bon bon source.  Hopefully you haven’t signed one of these contracts yourself.  It would be a shame to lose you to slavers.”  The priest walks out of the throne room on a new mission.  To find Merchant Connected and find a new source of bon bons for the Queen.  Connected thinks on it, “Tredonian bon bons?  Those are impossible to get your hands on.  But perhaps we have other options…”    
    Connected decides to find a treat more delicious to eat than bon bons while Useless seeks out the Guildsman to give him a piece of his mind. The Guildsman isn’t phased, “Hey, business is business.  Those pirates shouldn’t have signed contracts they didn’t understand.  But at least I’ll be leaving uBs with a few new slaves in tow.”
    It wasn’t too difficult for Shopkeeper Connected to slyly convince the highborn class that even more luxurious treats awaited them.  They quickly discarded their remaining bon bons in favor of the new flavor of the week, custard.  The peasants, of course, were quickly on the scene to retrieve and share the delicious snacks amongst themselves.
The Queen was relieved, “Now I don’t need that good for nothing guildsman!  To the pit with him!”

Quest Six - Turncoats (High Society Piracy) feat Sir Wormage

    Each side of the war between the Tredonian Guildsmen and the Aarbyville Pirates needed new recruits!  Rumor has it that members on both sides were thinking about defecting to the other.  This puts uBs in a unique position to influence conflict.  Only the strongest hero can make the most loyal follower become a turncoat!
    Sir Wormage receives an odd summon from a pigeon he hadn't seen before.  It was from Guild Lord Demetrius requesting an audience with the knight in the town square.  Wormage grabs his sword and walks down to the town square to see what this guest might have in store.  The Guild Lord seems pleased to see him, "Ah, thank you for agreeing to meet with me.  I have an interesting proposal I think you'll want to hear...those damnable pirates are a raging thorn in my side.  If we thin their numbers, the tides turn in our favor.  What say you instill some doubt in the more susceptible pirates?"  After such a proposition, the only question left in Wormage's mind is, "What's in it for me?"  Demetrius smiles, "Well, what do you want?  A brand new sword or brand new armor?"  Wormage selects a fine sword that is imbued with power from the Watcher, 'With this sword, I shall cleave through the will of our enemies!  And their skulls.'
    Sir Wormage makes his way to the docks in search of any mangy pirates that may be lurking about.  The first pirate he runs into is none other than Flotilla Captain Peter.  The knight asks, “Hey are you one of those Aarbyville pirates?”  Captain Peter responds, “Maybe.  What’s it to ya?”  Sir Wormage isn’t going to take shit from these pirates and backhands Peter.  The Captain looks appalled, “Ouch!  That left a mark.  Is it bleeding?  Well, no.  But still, ouch.  You menace!”  The next pirate the knight finds is Black Fleet Captain Judith.  Wormage marches up to her and asks the same question, “Are you one of those Aarbyville pirates?”  Her response is short, “Yep. So?”  With that Wormage tackles her to the ground.  She slowly gets up brushing herself off, “Hey! Lay off.  What gives?”  The final pirate is standing nearby, Red Fleet Captain Locke.  Wormage asks his question one more time.  Locke responses, ‘Yes. I mean no!  No.  Absolutely not a pirate.”  Wormage knows this guy is a lying bastard so he spits in his lying face.  The Captain is disgusted, “Dude.  Really?  In my face?  That’s gross.  Ever for a pirate, I mean, c’mon!  How is that behavior even moderately acceptable?”  The three pirate captains threaten to return with more friends at their back.  Wormage throws a challenge in return, “You know where to find me.  The judgment zone.”
    The next day, Captain Locke shows up at the judgment zone with a couple of lackeys.  Sir Wormage arrives, “Can I convince you losers to switch sides and become gentlemen?”  Captain Locke huffs, “After your insults? NEVER!”  Sir Wormage knows what he must do and with one swift stroke of his sword cuts down one of the lackeys.  The poor boy never knew what hit him and collapses in a pile on the ground.  The other lackey, Wormage pushes onto the plank above the pit beast’s home.  The poor soul stands on the edge until the Constable kicks the end of the plank causing the lackey to fall into its depths. With both of his sidekicks gone, Wormage decides he’s going to trick Locke into joining with us.
    Wormage pulls him aside, “Merchants make more money than pirates, you know.”  The pirate ponders for a bit, “Hmmmm, I haven’t gotten a raise in a long while…”  Wormage pushes his advantage, “You’re clearly not happy as a pirate.”  Locke looks confused, “I’m not?  I guess I never thought about that before.”  With the final blow Wormage lays down the blunt truth, “Your crew hates you.”  The pirate looks like he might cry, “Really?  That makes me so sad.  They kept me going.  You know what? You’ve convinced me.  I’m no longer a pirate!”
    Just around that time, Captain Judith shows up with two of her lady lackeys with her.  Sir Wormage is quite a gentleman when it comes to punishing women.  Instead of cutting them down or feeding them to the beast, they can starve in the stocks!  He sends them both to the stocks immediately to avoid them getting away.  The only person who can control Captain Judith is her mother.  So, Sir Wormage threatens to write a scandalous letter back home and Judith goes wide eyed with fear, “You wouldn’t dare!”  Wormage returns and shows Judith the letter.  She shakes, “I cannot believe you would hold this over my head.  Of course I can’t let you send out this letter!  Blast it!  You win.  I’m no longer a pirate.”
    The final captain doesn’t even bother to show up but sends one of his lackeys instead.  Sir Wormage is tired and doesn’t want to be bothered with a second hand man.  He quickly draws his sword and cuts the lackey down.  The other lackey sees this and begs for his life.  Wormage thinks for a minute, “You can challenge the pit beast for your life!”  With that, he throws the lackey off the plank and into the dark depths of the pit beast.  Then Wormage turns his attention to the Captain who has finally shown his face.  He brawls him into unconsciousness.  While he’s passed out, Wormage carves a merchant tattoo onto his forearm.  When the captain comes to he sees it, “I can’t believe you just did that.  I have no choice but to switch sides now.  I’ll be laughed out of the pirate’s brigade if I try to return like this!  Okay, okay.  You win…”
    The captains stared at Wormage in absolute terror.  He had mowed down their friends and comrades without pause or remorse.  The choice was simple: sign up or die!  Knights sure have a knack of making messages clear!

Quest Five - Bric-A-Brac Day feat Journeyman Smith Ordanos

    The Monarch of uBs had a sudden urge for a new holiday, and just like that 'Bric-A-Brac Day' was born!  It was a grand scavenger hunt to be held annually, and the first contest was set to begin that very day.  All would be invited to join the hunt across the kingdom.  Who would be crowned the best seeker on Bric-A-Brac Day?
    Joyous Bric-A-Brac!  All who joined in on the frivolity and friendly competition had a chance to be crowned best seeker.  The festive hunt across the Kingdom would soon begin, and would only come to a close once all of the hidden treasures were found!
    That day, much like any other in uBs, Journeyman Smith Ordanos was going about his usual tasks, when word reached him that Lady Redrum was making her royal rounds and would inevitably visit Ordanos' establishment.  The Monarch arrived right on cue.  "Greetings, Ordanos, I am conducting my standard review of uBs' holdings, as is my duty.  Nothing strange about that.  I see your establishment is in order, Ordanos; I was simply taking an informal look around and not searching for anything in particular.  So...while I am here, might I see a sample of your amazing talent?"
    Ordanos graciously agrees and crafts a paddle with ease.  The Monarch looks it over, "Excellent crafting, Ordanos.  You are a boon to uBs, despite your chambers needing a spot of cleaning.  Here is some coin for your labors.  I'm off to my next stop...oh!  I have something special in store for the kingdom; keep your eyes and ears open for a royal missive soon."  With that, Lady Redrum strolls out of the smith and on to her next place to visit.  Ordanos drops to his knees to scrub the floor of his chambers to make sure the next visitor doesn't think the smith is a complete mess either.
    With a flutter of feathers and purpose, the royal carrier pigeon, Guillermo, dropped a sealed letter in front of Ordanos.  Looking up, Ordanos watched as the bird bearing the royal markings took wing back to the keep.  The message read, ‘Ordanos, you are invited to the throne room to participate in a special event at the request of Lady Redrum.  Cordially, Royal Advisor Katrina.’
    Ordanos makes his way to the throne room to present himself to the Momarch.  The Queen grinned from ear to ear.  “Welcome all to this jolly event!  I, Lady Redrum, have decreed today to be a new holiday in uBs, an occasion of competition and community, the first ever ‘Bric-A-Brac Day!’  To celebrate, I have hidden ten royal trinkets in unique locations around the kingdom.  The day is done when all are found, and the citizen to find the most of my treasures shall be rewarded.  For details on your search, you have use of the royal scribe table at any time during the event.  Return to Royal Advisor Katrina when you’ve discovered an item and to check on the competition.  And now…Let the hunt begin!  Joyous Bric-A-Brac!”
    Ordanos copies the list from the scribe table before starting his search.  He heads to the town square and decides that if an item were hidden anywhere it would be in the well.  After drawing up a bucket of water, he notices a sparkle in the bottom.  He pulls out the Monarch’s key that she wears as a necklace.  One item for him!  The next place to check…the pit of judgement!  Here beasty!  With that determination at his heels, he manages to find the royal tinderbox hidden amongst the beasty’s treasures.  The next stop is the pond just outside the smith.  After a bit of fishing around, Ordanos pulls up a signet ring that belongs to one of the royal advisors.  Three items found!
   After finding three items, Ordanos checks in with the royal advisor.  “Excellent!  You have found three treasures!  You lead Kacey, who only found the dagger in the forest clearing.  I’m not sure what that Sylvan is doing, but he just keeps returning with dubious meat.  Kniknak though, has been busy.  He has three items as well: the lens from the village, the journal hidden in the sacred oak, and the music box from the docks.  Only three trinkets left!”
    After finding yet another item, Ordanos is called back to the throne room.  Royal Advisor Katrina addressed the crowd.  “Well done, and thanks to all the competitors.  Your efforts have made the first annual ‘Bric-A-Brac Day’ a grand success!  In an amazing turn of events, it seems we have a tie with four royal trinkets apiece.  So, Ordanos and Kniknak, if you would please join me in the reception hall?”  Turning briskly towards the hall she added, “The rest of you may go.  Joyous Bric-A-Brac!”
    In the reception hall, Katrina turns to the two remaining competitors, “You are both skilled searchers, so you have been chosen for one final task.  Only nine of the trinkets were recovered – the tenth and most important is your goal.  Please do not share this, but Lady Redrum lost her stuffed bear and is devastated about it.  The sole purpose of creating Bric-A-Brac Day was to recover…Sir Teddylot.  The only possible place that remains is the throne room.  Time is running out.  Find the bear and win the day!”
    Ordanos wandered into the throne room and sat down upon the royal throne to gather his thoughts on where the bear could be.  Something didn’t feel quite right about this chair.  He reached down between the cushions only to pull out a teddy bear.  He returned it to the royal advisor who handed him a bag filled to the brim with gold.

Quest Four - A Rash of Rudeness feat Shepard Speed

    Although uBs was growing and prospering, its people were ridiculed for their general ignorance and uncouth behavior.  It was time to take a stand and change the ill-mannered ways of the people.  Poor behavior must be punished swiftly and surely.  Times had been difficult for Shepard Speed lately.  His sermons had been well attended, as always, yet the congregation didn't seem as attentive.  Some of the more...peasanty of the congregation had been disruptive, and chatted or belched during sermons.  Regardless, Speed intended to carry on.
    After Speed's most recent sermon is a nightmare he talks to his personal attendant, "Watch help me.  All the talking, burping, and farting!  And they wander around during a sermon like I don't even exist!  I've got to get some of these unruly peasants to behave!"
   Shepard Speed decides it's time to fight fire with fire, rudeness with rudeness, yelling with yelling!  He goes up to the first peasant he sees named Jess and starts yelling right in his face about how rude he was during the sermon.  Jess blinks in surprise, "We wasn't doin' nothing wrong, was we?"  Speed shakes his head and finds the next peasant, Roderick.  The man looks at the priest, "Aw...why you gotta go and ruin our fun for?"  He then proceeds to burp right in Speed's face.  Speed walks away and into Maximillian and a new torrent of yelling erupts.  The peasant grumbles, "Aw, leave off, will ya?  I don't think the Watcher gives a fig about us fartin' and belchin', Shepard Speed."  That is the last straw.  Speed loses it and spits in Maximillian's face, right in the eyeball.  It makes him feel unclean but slightly better.  He decides to go wash off the peasant filth.  After cleaning himself up, he throws out the trio of disruptive peasants and thinks to himself for a solution.  He prays to the Watcher for a solution to his plight.
    After an hour of praying, a vision lights in his mind.  "Ah.  The Watcher has shown me the way.  I must make an example of one of these peasants, so the rest may fall in line.  Now, who should I begin with?"  Speed wanders out in the courtyard and notices the trio is still hanging around.  He decides that Maximillian seems to be the ringleader of this rowdy group.  Speed silently prays to the Watch for the power to smite this broken man and after a moment that power is rewarded!  Speed's new found power is called the 'Fury of the Watcher'.  He walks over to Maximillian and summons the Grim Reaper to assist him!  Speed watches the scene and blinks in surprise when Maximillian's body disappears into the Underworld for all eternity.  The Shepard nods in satisfaction.  His peasants should be at least smart enough to get the message now.  He walks inside the cathedral and steps up on his podium, "We are gathered here today to point fingers at those among us who are rude and vile!  The Watcher will continue to punish those who burp and fart and expel other messes in public!  Take pride in cleanliness!  Cleanliness is Watcherness!  Take heed!"
    Shepard Speed steps away from his podium and looks out at his wide eyed congregation.  There are a few in the back who seem to not be paying attention.  For good measure, Speed smites peasant Roderick for burping in his face earlier.  He then seeks out peasant Jess to demand an apology for interrupting his sermons.  Jess falls to his knees, begging, "We're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry.  We'll be good, we promise!"

Quest Three - The Legend of the Talking Frog feat Troubadour Goebwer
   
    Rumors of a talking frog, named Frgo, had been spreading around uBs for a few days.  This wasn't just another fairy tale that had captured the minds of the kingdom; there really was a magical frog out there, somewhere.  Someone would have to find this talking frog!  The kingdom had been abuzz with the talk of a frog...talk of a magical frog...that talks.  The castle requested an audience with Troubadour Goebwer to discuss these curious reports.
    In the throne room, Lady Redrum graciously welcomes Goeb into the hall.  The Monarch gets straight down to business, "Troubadour Goeb, I need to know the validity of these rumors.  Go now, and learn the truth.  If I'm satisfied, I may let you live.  Call it 'motivation.'"
    Goeb nods in agreement and wanders back to his tavern pondering the best way to find the magical frog.  Back in the confines of the bar he seeks out Kacey and asks if she's heard anything about Frgo.  She responds, "It's true!  I hear she used to be a queen!  Goes by the name 'Frgo'."  Guard Shauna overhears the conversation and adds more details, "Supposedly, you have to wear the magical 'Frogga Hat'.  It'll make you look so peaceful that Frgo won't be scared to talk to you.  It can be found among stalagmites the saying goes."  A peasant who just wandered in offers her information, "I heard a song about Frgo.  It said she could be found in a place surrounded by wooden giants that hold up canopies of green and autumn gold."  The barmaid serving drinks chips in her two cents, "A sapphire orb name the 'Ancient Frog's Tear' will lure Frgo out.  Myth foretells that it can be found in a place that has smothered the breathe of many a human.  Literally killed them, this place has."  Goeb takes down all the information he can and then decides on a course of action.  The first thing he will search for is the Frogga Hat.
    From the clue, Goeb deducts that the hat must be in the dark cave near the cemetery.  In the dead of night, to avoid being seen, Goeb rushes to the cemetery and straight into the black mouth of the cave.  He wanders for what seems like hours.  Deep in the cave, a dark tunnel yawns before Goeb.  He ventures in, and feels around in the pitch dark.  Amidst a pile of human bones, he finds the Frogga Hat!  He pulls it on and rushes out of the cave and back to the light and safety of his tavern.
    The next item on the list is finding the Ancient Frog's Tear.  After some deliberation,  Goeb finally decides to explore the waterfall in the middle of the kingdom.  At the top, he sees a sparkle of something deep within the pool at the bottom.  With a battle cry, he leaps off!  Down below the water, Goeb wraps his hand around the sapphire and comes up with it in his possession.
    After gathering both of those items, Goeb rushes to the forest where the wooden giants hold up canopies of green.  Within the forest, he finds a hidden pool.  He sets the sapphire on the edge of the pool and waits.  After a few minutes, Frgo jumps up and grabs the sapphire.  She quickly dives back down and then resurfaces without the jewel in her possession.  She looks at Goeb, "Hey, bub.  Thanks for the giant sapphire!  You know, I'm the one that started those rumors about needing it to find me.  And it worked!  Now I'm rich!  By the way, you look idiotic in that hat.  Hee hee!  Did you believe that rumor , too?  Okay, thanks, bye!"  With that she jumps back into her pond and Goeb leaves the forest feeling foolish and defeated.
    Goeb heads straight for the throne room to report what had happened.  Lady Redrum is not happy, "Bedeviled creature!  It's the same Queen Frgo we banished when we discovered she was trying to overthrow all the kingdoms in the land.  Go kill it.  I want magical frog's legs for dinner."  Goeb bows his way out and runs back to the forest, death on his brain.  He easily catches the nuisance in a gem trap and ties her up in a bag.  He heads back to the castle kitchens to deliver the ingredients to the chef.  After a delicious meal of magical frog legs in the banquet hall, Lady Redrum makes a toast to Goeb, "Ah, simply delectable.  You have done more for uBs than you even know.  Good work, Troubadour Goeb."