A wealthy Tredonian Guildsman has been witnessed giving out simoles around uBs and selling goods freely to members of the Pirate Fleet. His intentions seem noble…but it’s really strange for a Guildsman to help Pirates. A benevolent hero would surely want to check things out and prevent the exploitation of pirates at the hands of Tredony’s merciless Guild Consortium. Their differences with the Pirates notwithstanding, the Guild sent someone into town to spread coin around and help minimize the horrors of war. The mood around uBs was cheerful in spite of the ongoing conflict.
As the day dawns, Brother Useless decides that the sermon’s topic of the morning will be about charity. Surely the faithful Peterans of uBs will pitch in to help out the war ravaged veterans. While Useless is giving his sermon, on the other side of town Connected is up to his daily routine. All the goods are inspected and inventory checked. While he is opening up his stalls for business he sees a pirate stumbling around asking customers to spare a few coins. Connected hurries to get rid of this pirate intruding on his customers and their coin. The pirate begs to stay, “Alas, my pirate comrades and I have no place to go. I’m sure your customers won’t mind us. You won’t even know we’re here.”
After seeing a group of pirates have gathered in his area, Connected decides to ask Brother Useless for help with these stragglers. Useless agrees to help, “Pirates in need of aid? Of course I’ll help! The Watcher commands generosity and charity!” After a few hours, the pirates show up in the monastery and greet Brother Useless. The monk thinks to himself, ‘There they are! I can’t wait to help. Hmmm…I didn’t expect them to be wearing such finely tailored clothing. Pretty rich tastes for poor pirates.’
Brother Useless presents the funds to pirate Cornell. The pirate pushes it back towards the monk, “Thanks, but we have plenty of money now! Thanks to our new friend, Guildsman Dave. Why don’t you keep the simoles and buy yourself a new shirt – it looks like you need it. Come on pirates, let’s go buy something at the Merchant’s stall!
Useless seeks out this rich Guildsman and asks him why he had donated to the pirates in the first place. Dave greets him, “Well, I just thought those poor pirates could use a helping hand. It’s kind of my thing – helping those in need. Perhaps you yourself would care to accept a loan from the Guild Consortium. I think I have a contract around here somewhere…”
Meanwhile, Connected greets the rich newcomers with enthusiasm. He thinks that the money they are spending came from Brother Useless and he’s eager to sell to them. The pirates are criticizing his goods and Connected feels insulted, “What the…? How dare the pirates criticize my goods! What was Useless thinking, giving them all this money? I’d better ask.”
Useless decides he needs to find out what the guild is up to with their contracts. He seeks out pirate Cornell to see if he can read the contract. The pirate obliges, “Yeah, we all received thousands of simoles! Oh, and he also gave us these funny papery things with chicken scratches all over them. If only we could read…”
Useless travels back to his monastery with contract in hand. After pouring over the document for hours he finally decrypts it. The contracts are formal loan papers drafted by the Guild Consortium. If the pirates can’t pay back Guildsman Dave when he asks for it, they become Guild slaves!
Brother Useless tracks down the pirates and informs them of their fates. The leader looks heartbroken, “What? That can’t be true! He said he was our friend! Surely Lady Redrum wouldn’t allow this to happen in her kingdom. You must appeal to save us!” The priest has no other choice but to travel to the throne room and hope he can fall in the monarch’s good graces.
He explains the situation and Lady Redrum ponders a bit before answering. “That is terrible, but unfortunately Guildsman Dave is the sole provider of my absolute favorite treat; bon bons! I simply can’t lose my bon bon source. Hopefully you haven’t signed one of these contracts yourself. It would be a shame to lose you to slavers.” The priest walks out of the throne room on a new mission. To find Merchant Connected and find a new source of bon bons for the Queen. Connected thinks on it, “Tredonian bon bons? Those are impossible to get your hands on. But perhaps we have other options…”
Connected decides to find a treat more delicious to eat than bon bons while Useless seeks out the Guildsman to give him a piece of his mind. The Guildsman isn’t phased, “Hey, business is business. Those pirates shouldn’t have signed contracts they didn’t understand. But at least I’ll be leaving uBs with a few new slaves in tow.”
It wasn’t too difficult for Shopkeeper Connected to slyly convince the highborn class that even more luxurious treats awaited them. They quickly discarded their remaining bon bons in favor of the new flavor of the week, custard. The peasants, of course, were quickly on the scene to retrieve and share the delicious snacks amongst themselves.
The Queen was relieved, “Now I don’t need that good for nothing guildsman! To the pit with him!”
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